Jun 24, 2013 - 
Communication 
3 Comments
Communication 3 Comments Death
All things with a beginning have an end
You can not escape your definite doom
You run from death because deaths not your friend
It’s such a short time from birth to the tomb
Throughout life you feel as if your deaths slave
Death is looming over you throughout life
You slowly journey from womb to the grave
Or life is taken quickly with a knife
Death is coming for you and everyone
Your pre decided fate can not be stopped
And when he comes for you your life is done
The value of your life can not be dropped
but i do not fear death and this is true
for without death life has no value
This is the business, Alfie.
It deals with deeper ideas, as sonnets often do. It conforms to the strict structural rules of the form and it has a very beautiful volta at the last couplet.
I particularly like the extended personification of death – can you think of a way to strengthen this with the careful choice of pronouns. Could death be a “he” rather than an “it” – or does that seem too obvious to you?
Mr Waugh
Hi Alfie
I am an English teacher in another school. I hope you don’t mind if I add my comments about your sonnet. I particularly liked the fact that the ideas in the poem were not constricted by the sonnet form. The ideas about death have a timelessness and maturity which is unexpected for someone young like you. Whilst the poem’s ideas and strong personification are conveyed most strongly, you have used aspects of the sonnet structure to emphasise key ideas and words are positioned for impact. I really enjoyed that aspect of it. I hope you go on to write more poems. If you do, your talents will grow even further. 🙂
Alfie – what a brilliant poem!! Keep up the good work!
Mr Durant